the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
