oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
