i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
