Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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