Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
