You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
