I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
