My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
