So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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