ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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