I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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