I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
