Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
