If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
