I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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