Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize