I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
