I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
