I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
