I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
