i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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