The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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