trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found the puke drawer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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