Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
