I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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