Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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