i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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