JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
