i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Boobs speak an international language.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
