You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
