I wish you could order shots online.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
