just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
