My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
