Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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