Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
