Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
