Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
