I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
