Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
