Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
