I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
