Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
