i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
