How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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