Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
