porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
