i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
