I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
