omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
