I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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