Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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