I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
