she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
