the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
