Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
