We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
