girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
