No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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