mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Less talking, more tequila
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
