I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
