I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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