so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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