so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
