Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
