your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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