Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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