i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
