I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
