Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
