I'm laying in your front yard are you home
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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