If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
