i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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