So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
