I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
