At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My bed smells like the plague
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
