dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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