How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize