We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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