the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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